Death Wish
by FooFooCuddlyPoof
Summary: "Remember I told you that I really want to see how much you'd cry if I died?" Hak's POV. Probably a oneshot. HakxYona
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing  
Written in Hak's POV

* * *

I'm sleepy

 _If I were to die, how much would you cry? I really want to see that._

My own words rang in my ears as I watched her tears run down from her eyes down on her cheeks and onto the bloodied fabric of my robe.

"I'm sorry." I whispered

"NO!"

She was a mess. Her eyes were swollen, her cheeks and nose were red and her hair… well, you know.

I was about to comment about the way she looked but thought twice. I should be careful. The next words I say could be my last.

Instead, I lift up my hand and roved a dried leaf that was stuck clinging to her red curls near her ear. Pain surged through my body with that little movent but I didn't regret it.

It was quiet. The only sound I can hear is the rustling of the leaves as wind pass by and her sobs. Other than that, it was _**dead** quiet_ Ha. No. It's a bit too early to joke about this.

The pain started to subside and was being replaced by numbness.

Oh, what the hell. I might as well.

"You're a mess."

She looked up at me. Tears still flowing freely.

"Screw you, YOU'RE a mess"

I chuckled. She sounded like me. It was wrong, I know. But I can't help but feel a little bit proud.

She was right though. I was a mess. I can feel heads of arrows still dug deep in my back. I'm bleeding out from a gash on a side and another on my right leg. I have a few broken bones here and there. I can taste blood in my mouth. And I think half of my face is already covered in blood from a head wound. And _damn_ , I'm really sleepy.

"Princesses don't swear" I smirked at her.

"Do you think that's what I care about right now?!" She was clenching her fist at the hem of my robe. Her eyes looking straight at mine.

My smirk wiped off and was replaced by a guilty frown.

 _So, then, what do you care about right now, princess? I want to know. Are you worried about me?_

Obviously, she is. And I wanted to revel in that. I wanted to take delight in her sorrow for me.

I'm just plain horrible, aren't I?

I cast my eyes down.

 _"If I were to die, how much would you cry? I really want to see that."_

 _This is embarrassing. I really am dying. You're a crying mess. Now what? This isn't- -_

My thoughts were interrupted as I realized she was hugging me. When did she hug me?

 _I'm having lapses now. Tch._

I couldn't feel my arms now but I took all my raining strength in effort to wrap my arms around her in return.

But my arms wouldn't budge.

 _Stupid arms. Move. Damn it. Hold her._

This is frustrating. I can't even hug her back.

 _God, if ever you're real, please. I know we're not that good friends but- -this is the last time. Let me hold her. Please…_

Tears started falling from my own eyes and she was crying uncontrollably now.

"Yun - - Yun and the others are on their way. They'll - -find us… I know they'll find us in time… just in time…" She managed to say in between sobs.

No they won't, princess. 'just in time' already passed a few minutes ago.

This is it. These are my last moments. Meh. I guess this is not too bad. The Great Thunder Beast has fallen and dying in the princess's arms. Couldn't be better. I'm fine with this. I can be happy with this.

She pulled away her head from my chest and looked at me, eyes searching, _begging_.

" _Please_... Don't die, Hak"

I knew she'd say that. But there's nothing I can do. I should at least apologize.

 _I'm sorry._

No voice came out. What the fuck.

 _I'm sorry._

I tried again but still, nothing.

This is pathetic. I can't even tell her I'm sorry. I knew I should have reserved my words earlier.

All I can do is look at her. Study her facial features one last time. Admire her… _love_ her until my last moment.

My vision's getting darker every second.

By the way she looked, I think she's seeing the 'lights go out' in my eyes.

"I love you…" she whispered in defeat. She leans in closer to my face…

And I don't know what happened next. I think she kissed me.

Wait. I take it back. I'm not happy with this. I don't want to...

 _God? Can I not die yet? Please?_

* * *

AN: HAH! An angsty cliffy from me! Hahaha

I'm sorry everyone. Writing angst has been my frustration forever. I wish I could do better. T-T

But this fic has been on my mind, waiting to be lus, how can I get better if I don't practice and see what people think, right? :D

I MIGHT write a second chapter, describing Yona's POV. And/or another chapter for when Hak survives… because I really don't handle character deaths well myself T-T.

So tell me what you think and how you think I could be better.

Reviews will be very much appreciated.

See you around! :D


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Hak, (I'd love to own him in a different way –if-you-know-what-I-mean…) or any other characters of AnY.

A/N: A part of me thinks that loves the cliff-hanger ending I left in the previous chapter. I was actually happy to leave it as a one shot. But, there's this other part of me (that can't handle character deaths well) that needed to be pacified.

* * *

 **DEATH'S DANCE**

 _God? Can I not die yet? Please?_

Death is something that's already quite familiar to Hak. Considering the tons of times he's able to just brush past it, someone might even say it's a weird pastime for him.

He was always accepting death, always ready to embrace it. Whether it's from hunger, an accident, a fight, or from his duty to protect; he's always ready to throw away his own life.

Always ready to die.

But oddly enough, not this time.

 _God? Can I not die yet? Please?_

 **Death himself almost scratched his bony head in confusion when he heard him pray.**

This was the first time he actually wished to live.

 **He was tempted. Sooooo _tempted_ to let this boy live.**

* * *

"Yun! You have to do something!" He slams his fist at the table.

"Kija, don't…" The yellow dragon warned him

"But… Hak is.."

 _He's a doctor, isn't he? He can fix him. He always does. Like how he always does to all of us._

 _It's not too late. It won't make sense if it is._

 _He's not dead yet._

* * *

He's angry at a dead person.

He raked his green hair in frustration

Seeing him lying on that table, lifeless, makes him want to stomp at Hak's stupid face until he's brought back to life,

and then kill him again.

 _If Yun pulls this through... if by any miracle this stupid beast lives… I swear I'll fucking make him pay._

 _That fucking idiot_

* * *

He's seen this place, He's felt all of this a hundred times before.

 _I guess losing loved ones and going through it a hundred times over doesn't make me as tough as I imagined it would._

Just look at them. All those tears threatening to fall,

The pain they're trying to pacify by clinging to what's already lost. Unconsciously putting it all on that poor boy.

 _Stupid yellow dragon. Why'd you have to give me all of these powers. Couldn't you have made us just share this strength? You didn't have to make me immortal._

 _Maybe you could have just given me the power to heal or pass this strength temporarily to those who need more._

They shouldn't have to go through this.

 _Don't let them go through this._

 _God… for all the times I've been tormented with this power you cursed me with. Maybe this time, you can make it up to me? I promise I won't mind living forever. I'll endure it. Please._

It's really painful.

It hurts in an old (not forgotten), familiar place.

* * *

 _Ao. One of my big brothers are… no._

He blinks hard, trying to push back the dread behind them.

 _Maybe not yet._

 _I can't just give up on him already while Yona and my brothers are still clinging to any strand of hope there is._

 _I wish I could have been there with them. Maybe I could have… done something._

* * *

When his dead friend is on a table in front of him and his other friends are across the room. Looking at him expectantly, He kind of gets the feeling that someone is pointing a sword at his face.

And suddenly the burden of the whole world is on his shoulders.

It's horrible enough when he, as far as his medical knowledge is concerned, knows that this person is already gone.

But then again, it's far worse when also, he, a handsome boy that's friends with these mythical idiots, refuses to believe that he can't do anything to save his **friend.**

So he's caught in the middle of his medical judgment and his childish faith.

But then he realizes he has no time to think twice.

So he screams orders. Stop all the bleeding he can find. Check vitals. **Hope** for vitals.

 _There's no pulse_

And pray.

To all gods that he's read about, real or not.

I pray.

* * *

Hak felt it - the sudden surge of excruciating pain.

He felt like screaming but there was nothing. No scream, no voice. He couldn't even feel his lips or throat. He doesn't feel his body or any part of it. He felt like… nothing.

 _That should be a good sign though, right? If he's feeling pain, that's still a sign of life, right? Right?_

He clung to that hope.

He endured the pain, relishing in it, knowing that he could live if he endured enough, he could live. _He could see her again._ And maybe make up to her from last time.

 **Death was snickering at him. He couldn't believe it. The boy's actually fighting. It's hilarious.**

The pain lasted long enough for him to think maybe this is hell itself, that maybe he's dead after all.

But then the pain started to subside.

He panicked at the thought of losing that – the only sign of life he had, his only chance.

 _No…NO! Let me feel it. I need to feel it! Please._

The next moments, the pain completely washed away and he felt helpless.

 _Please. Give me something. Anything that I can hold on to._

 **Death was teasing him. The boy who's always ready to die, is now fighting with all his might not to.**

After hours of silence, after he's felt defeated and on the brink of giving up, the pain came back like electricity even before he can recognize it. And this time, it came with blinding light. It was so bright he felt like his existence is being disintegrated.

Then there's this sudden blast of noise – and endless ringing of incorrigible sounds and voices so loud, he felt like he would melt.

He was exhausted. He wanted to throw up. But then again, how can he, when his body is… well, non-existent as far as he's concerned.

He was _nothing_ yet he felt _everything_.

 _God damn it!_

The torture went on for hours… or days? Or maybe weeks?

 **Death was pretty much had his share of amusement.**

Then everything suddenly comes to a halt. Like a switch turned off.

And he doesn't know if he should celebrate or panic. Again, because he felt nothing.

Then he passes out. _Maybe this time, he really_ is _dying._

 **He was his favorite human, Death decided.**

* * *

A/N: Okay. I think my writing is a bit off here. I don't know why.

I'm... exploring. God this is uncomfortable. (But I guess it's okay. I'm in the process of developing my writing style. I'm bound to feel this)

This chapter has no cheesy-romanc-ey shiz like always. So most of you might think it's boring ._.

Nonetheless, let me know what you think. Please. Might help me decide if I should continue or not. (I have a thought that adding this chapter ruins the dramatic, angsty feel of the first chapter.)

There will be another chapter. I'll post it in about... a week or so (Depends on how toxic the week will go for me.)

Shout out to the people who left reviews last time, you guys are great!

So, let me know what you think of this chapter, how I write, and my ideas. I'd love to hear from you.

See ya around!

-Foofy


	3. Chapter 3

_**TIME-LOCKED**_

She would dream of him.

Sometimes, she would hear his voice in her head, scolding her for crying because _'it makes her even uglier.'_

And she doesn't have the energy to think or feel anything about it.

 _"Yun found a pulse.",_ Kija said.

But Yun also said that doesn't mean that he can keep him alive. That it could disappear any moment. That it's not impossible... but there's really no guarantee.

She refused to cry.

From the moment Yun and the others found her with Hak in her arms, she hasn't cried a single tear.

Days and nights passed, everybody worked hard. Didn't speak too much. No funny jokes or screwing around. Not when a family member is either dead or dying.

Then she heard him scream.

His scream was nothing she'd ever heard. His scream was of pure torment and pain. She saw him and realized he was still unconscious, his body thrashed violently as if he was fighting with all his might, and she just knew he's going through hell.

She fell to her knees as the scene unfolds before her. It was all overwhelming - the panging of pain in her chest as it hurt to see him like that, the wash of relief because she knew he's fighting, the petrifying fear that he might lose this fight, and the choking guilt because she wants him to keep fighting.

But she didn't cry.

She stopped the tears, she resisted the feelings.

She was standing in the edge of her sanity and she refused to break down.

She fought hard.

-So hard that she passed out.

She fought so hard, time stopped for her.

She didn't smile, she didn't flinch. Time stopped for her.

It stopped running and everything around her passed in a blur.

Breathing became something she has to remind herself to do.

Sleeping is a lot more exhausting than being awake.

She doesn't even know how many days have passed. Time just stopped working. And it didn't run again.

It certainly didn't start running again when she heard Hak's condition went worse.

Neither when Yun and the dragons were silent while trying to stomach what happened.

Nor when Jae-ha finally gave her the news.

She went numb. And time...just stopped.

* * *

A/N: ey! Surprise chappy!

A short one anyway :P

Nonetheless, I still want to know what you think about this whole thing. (Do you think I've dragged this story long enough? I mean it really was intended to be just a one shot. I think I've ruined the whole point of the drama from the first chapter as I continue this T-T)

Shout out to the few people who reviewed the last chapter!

 **lightning1997** , I'm happy you're glad about the continuation :)

 **RowerLovesAstronomy** , Yea, he's a son of a #&%! (Though I kind of associated "death's character"with myself... I just realized I loved torturing Hak. (Notice how he's always somehow badly injured in my stories xD I'm kind of twisted. sorry ._.)

 **1LauxesTeam** , glad you liked "death" (If you read my response above to RowerLovesAstronomy, "death character"is kind of... me. hehe)

 **pLouderThanWords** , Thanks for the love 3 I hope I didn't disappoint you with this short chapter

 **Maya Amira** , as you requested. Here's a Yona POV haha. (I was really planning to write something like this though, I'm still glad you asked for it xD)

Again, thanks for reading and the support, everyone. I hope I didn't waste your time. ._.

Reviews, comments, suggestions, requests, questions... are all welcome and will be appreciated. Just leave a review here or PM me ;)

See you guys around! ;)

-Foofy


	4. Chapter 4

**_BORROWED HEAVEN_**

She doesn't know why she's here.

She doesn't know how she ended up here.

She doesn't know why she kept going until she reached the bed.

She sat at the side and tugged the sheets down, exposing his broad chest wrapped in bandages.

He's dead.

He's dead and he's gone. That's what she now knows.

She feels sick to the pits of her stomach. She squeezes her eyes tight as she tries to push back the tears that had formed without her permission.

Unaware, her hands slowly balls into fists as she trembled silently beside the fallen thunder beast, as she fell into her own world of fear, dread and despair.

Only to be taken back when she feels a pair of warm, large palms on top of her small, trembling fists.

"Princess…"

Her eyes shoots wide open in shock and was greeted by Hak's worried ones.

"What's wrong?"

She doesn't answer. She couldn't. She doesn't know how.

 _What's wrong?_

She's afraid.

They said he was gone but he's very alive right in front of her eyes.

She's scared to move.

She's scared to breathe.

With her trembling voice, she starts, "Hak…I thought you were- -"

"I know" He interrupts.

Her confused, shocked and tired eyes stays locked with his worried, knowing, and guilt-filled ones. And then he takes her face in his hands, running his thumb along her jawline.

And then she finally breaks.

Suddenly, she can breathe again.

Tears start flowing freely down her cheeks.

She touches back of his hands, pressing them more against the skin of her cheeks. And she can't help but break a little more when she realized how warm he felt compared to the last time she touched him.

And she remembers.

She slams a fist against him. "You were _dead._ You **_died in my arms_** …" her voice weakens down, she continues, "I told you I **loved** you… and then you f*cking _died in my arms…"_

"I know. I'm sorry." He gathers her in his arms and tucks her head in the nape of his neck, unwilling to let her crumble down any further. "Didn't I tell you that princesses don't swear?"

"Hak, you don't understand." She chokes, "I _need_ you…I- - you… you're a jerk."

He runs his fingers through her ever messy hair "Yes, yes, Princess. I am a stupid jerk." He brings his face close to her ear. And he lets her calm down before he speaks again

"Yona." He whispers her name, sending a warm tickling sensation as his breath made contact with the skin of her ear. "You should know…"

He leans his forehead against hers. He smiles bitterly.

"I love you too."

And he makes it sound as if it was the most trivial thing in the world.

And it is, really.

It's the simplest textbook fact.

He loved her.

He loved her so much he fought with death itself.

He loved her so much, it's tragic…

…because he loved her so much that even when he'd lost, he still came to let her know.

He loved her.

And she needs more.

More of his touch, his breath, his skin…

More of his warmth, his scent, his _taste…_

But then he's **_gone_**.

* * *

A/N: So… There's that.

He's dead.

Funeral's tomorrow at my place, drinks are on me, bring your own food. Who wants to do the eulogy?

I'm sorry for those who were wishing I'd let him live. I wish he lived too but then my sadistic nature acted up and then I killed him ._.

I did say I don't do well with character deaths, but I knew I had to practice because how am I ever going to properly kill characters off if I don't start practicing, right?

Anyway, what do you think of this ending? A bit too cliché?

Let me know your thoughts. J

Oh, shout out to the following people who left a review last time!

 **RowerLovesAstronomy** , eeek! *hides* don't kill me please.

 **amazinglaughs** , you thought it was over, eh? Mwahahaha. Here's the real ending. ;) let me know what you think of it.

 **Dawn Redwood** , I'm sorry if this wasn't the ending you expected xD. And thank you for your review, I was certainly going for that feel at every ending of each chapter. I'm happy that sort of came across. J

 **pLouderThanWords** , I know what you mean. Everybody needs a good angst sometimes. xD

 **Maya Amira** , Here's the last chapter. Thank you so much for reading, I'm sorry if it didn't go as you wished, but I'm glad you stayed long enough to read the whole thing!

 **Tuvstarr's lost heart** , *huddles down under the desk with you* I'm glad we agree on this. I love Hak, but he needs to die sometimes. Lol.

 **lightning1997** , omg I'm so sorry hahahaha. (apology doesn't feel so sincere, huh xD) I mean, I just feel bad that I can see your hopefulness written all over your review and it almost feel like you're begging me to keep him alive. But I think you already knew I was going to kill him but you're begging me not to anyway. I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you someday,.. somehow. xD

So that's it, Foofy is signing off for now.

I'd love to hear your thoughts about this chapter (or the whole story). Reviews, comments, suggestions, questions and requests will all be appreciated and responded to. Leave a review here or send me a PM!

See you around ;)


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